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Joke of the Day

"My friend once said, ""If I wasn't making cocktails, I'd be a criminal."" Now he's behind bars."

"I was recently asked about my views on euthanasia. I said they all look the same to me."

"*at a pizza buffet in the Midwest* Me: excuse me, can you please make a vegetarian pizza? Him: Sure! What kind of meat do you want on that?"

"IF JFK taught me one thing... The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car."

"once you use mac you never go back. there's literally no escape"

"I want to die quietly in my sleep like my grandad did. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"Did you hear about the mooning emoji? Its colon was showing"

"Roses are red, violets are blue... I've got no girlfriend, so porn hub will do."

"Bill O'Reilly What a fucking joke"

"I don't care about all the nasty stuff people put on here about Nicki Minaj. I'll still suck her c**k anytime."