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Joke of the Day

"I want to die quietly in my sleep like my grandad did. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"""Say no to Lindsay Lohan"" - Drugs"

"God grant me the patience to accept the people whose outfits I cannot change."

"What do you get if you cross an alligator with Sherlock Holmes ? An Investigator."

"Anyone who shows up late to work, wearing shades and clutching a Gatorade is about to tell a lie."

"Just hit a racist with my car. Probably a racist. I feel like he was. Statistically, very likely. Oh so you think there's no racism problem?"

"What do you call smutty pictures of birds? Pornithography."

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves #2 Fuck her right in the pussy."

"How do you know if somebody is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."