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Joke of the Day

"If I get married I want my last name to be hyphenated. Mr. and Mrs. Hyphenated."

"Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they'd be bagels"

"What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows? A Helenkelicopter."

"*On date* Her: hey, how are you? Me: yeah really g.. BRAIN: *interrupting* TELL HER THAT RAP ABOUT ANTS YOU MADE UP ON THE WAY HERE."

"I see your sister's sick burn and raise you mine. ""If you're gonna be a dick, wear a condom over your head."" She's 9."

"How manyh grad students does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes 7 years."

"Approx 4,500yrs ago men would wake up everyday to build the great pyramid. I got up this morning with anxiety about unloading the dishwasher"

"Took the batteries out of the smoke detector to use in my remote cause I would rather die in a fire than have to get up & change the channel"

"What do you call a fat female assassin? A killer whale."

"I have two feelings in Ramadan, it's either ""I'm hungry"" or ""I shouldn't have eaten this much"""