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Joke of the Day

"What did Lincoln say on the last night of his life? ""Aw shit Mary, I need to go see a play tonight like I need a hole in the head..."""

"Tommy Cooper gag A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor ""Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth."

"What's the difference between feminism and Islam? One is demonized by the actions and beliefs of a small minority. The other believes in the wage gap myth."

"God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k"

"After starting on August 15th, 2004, Julia Roberts just finished brushing her teeth a few hours ago."

"A man approaches a prostitute ""how much for a blow job?"" ""$30"" ""Can you do 20?"" ""sure"" ""Great here's $600"""

"I had a weird dream last night that I was eating huge marshmallows! I woke up this morning wanting smore!"

"Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear."

"How does a Greek find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying!"

"Man next to to me just said into his phone ""You caught me in the middle of a sandwich."" He's lying. He is not in a sandwich."