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Joke of the Day

"What did Lincoln say on the last night of his life? ""Aw shit Mary, I need to go see a play tonight like I need a hole in the head..."""

"The knowledge that Jersey Shore is known as ""Macaroni Rascals"" in Japan may just be the most important of my lifetime."

"If Facebook Was Real me: cool shirt Brian Brian: thanks [hours later, a knock at my door] me: um yes? Brian's Mom: I also like that shirt"

"What's Hitlers least favorite planet? Jewpiter."

"What do you call a parsnip riding a dragon? A parsnip."

"What do you call an orphan named Rose? Self-raising flour"

"Umm..I don't want to be ""that inmate,"" but could you tell the chef that this needs more salt."

"Still laughing about that time my grandmother said God told her to put my grandfather in an asylum because he was hearing voices in his head"

"We got a new whiteboard at the office today... It's remarkable!"

"So I've been dating this anorexic girl... ...but lately I've been seeing less and less of her."