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Joke of the Day

"So I've been dating this anorexic girl... ...but lately I've been seeing less and less of her."

"Me: Whatcha doin? 12yo: Catching up on Walking Dead. Me: Did Hershel die yet? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Guess not."

"A conversation between 3 partially deaf elderly men. Elder 1: It's windy! Elder 2: No, it's thursday! Elder 3: Right, let's all get a cuppa tea shall we?"

"Fun Prank: Use Bluetooth to play 30 second blasts of Napalm Death on your neighbours stereo. They'll think they have a poltergeist and move"

"Guys, you CAN catch AIDS from a toilet seat! If you sit down before the other guy gets up."

"What did the woman say after 5 guys came on her for a porn video? Thank you all for coming!"

"What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk? I freed what?"

"5 minutes into America's Got Talent and I learned we don't have talent, we have a bunch of delusional idiots that don't want real jobs."

"My wife asked my why i carry a gun in the house. I looked at her and said ""Decepticons"". She laughed, i laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster. It was a good time."

"What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill? A $100 bill makes change"