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Joke of the Day

"Still laughing about that time my grandmother said God told her to put my grandfather in an asylum because he was hearing voices in his head"

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"My wife calls herself a trophy wife. I told her that's because I won the participation award."
"what base is it when he catches you sucking on a ketchup packet"
"What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? The toilet doesn't insist on cuddling after you drop your load in it."
"what do you call a baby donkey in spanish? a burrito."
"What do you get when you put 50 Politicians in a room with 50 lesbians? 100 cunts that don't do dick."
"Every time my phone screen goes black... I wonder if it'll ever come back."
"Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup? Because his family had stock in the company."
"My mum said that if I don't get off reddit and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn"
"who called it a dinosaur rap battle instead of a reptile diss function"