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Joke of the Day

"I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, ""Optimus Prime? Your table for 5 is ready!"""

"To clean up or just move. This is the question."

"You the bomb. No, you the bomb. A compliment in America. An argument in the Middle East."

"Did you know the government can drug test our water supply?! That's why I never piss near a toilet. Instead - I piss on your mom. Shes by the trash.... (not the toilet)"

"Well if you didn't want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?"

"Do they really serve burgers in Transylvania? Very rare-ly."

"I made a commitment not to masturbate for the past four weeks... I didn't pull it off"

"i was gonna make a mexican joke but i decided i'm not gonna cross that border u feel me #Respect"

"If Mr. Bigger has a baby, which one is bigger? The baby is, he's just a little Bigger."

"My son just asked me if cats can have babies when they aren't married and I told him yes, but I honestly don't know."