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Joke of the Day

"You've gotta be careful talking to Steve Jobs because he'll say the word 'eyeballs' and really be referring to his custom-made Apple gonads."

"[talking to daughter's art major boyfriend] ""You know who else had a pointy beard? Satan."""

"What does the KKK use to bake cookies? White flour!"

"You know why was i mad after a half hour in the bathroom? i couldn't do shit."

"I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside."

"Love may be blind, but It doesn't have to be stupid."

"What do you call Dora the Explorer in an Iron Man suit? FeDora I'll see myself out."

"Hear about the farmer that stepped on a rake? He had two acres."

"Priests should not have to live in a state of forced celibacy, but be free to marry and let celibacy slowly descend upon them the usual way."

"At least Mexicans make good immigrants and don't bomb nobody."