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Joke of the Day

"i was gonna make a mexican joke but i decided i'm not gonna cross that border u feel me #Respect"

"My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn."

"The cool thing about Cake Boss cakes is how everything is edible and has been touched all over and breathed upon for hours."

"The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in."

"Meteorologist - Be horrible at you job and no one really cares. Pizza Delivery Driver - Be five minutes late and people lose their minds!"

"I said hi to Ellen Pao today She told me to stop being sexist"

"Did you hear the joke about King Midas and King Oedipus? It's pure, motherfucking gold."

"If time is money are ATM's time machines?"

"One of my peers asked me where I saw myself in 5 years. After struggling to come up with an answer, I decided to go get laser eye surgery. Now I've got 2020 vision...."

"People are freaking out because the Orlando shooter was investigated by the FBI and was able to buy a rifle. But you can also run for president."