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Joke of the Day

"Well if you didn't want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?"

"The Ninja Turtles went to a weapons store. They all got what they wanted except for Raphael They didn't have his sai's."

"When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shit."

"What do you find at the bottom of the lake? Bassturds."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I fucking hate repeating myself."

"(Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?"

"I hate that ""You know what to do"" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad."

"Did you here the one about the midget that finally admitted he was gay? He came out of the cupboard."

"I always love the reaction I get after I cannonball into a public pool. ""OMG, Where's my baby!?"""

"How does a black girl know shes pregnant? When all the cotton is picked off her tampon."