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Joke of the Day

"Dog: Whatcha doing? Me: Shaving my legs. Dog: Why? Me: So that I'm not covered in... Dog: Not covered in what, Erren? NOT COVERED IN WHAT?"

"I've never been held hostage but I've been on a group text."

"What does Jared from Subway have in common with McDonald's? They put their meat in 10 year old buns."

"Squirrels before girls."

"Schrodinger's Cat Walks Into A Bar and Does Not..."

"Did you hear about the lazy perfume-maker? He made no scents."

"The even numbers said... The odds are against us."

"Have you ever seen a duchess? Yes - it's the same as an English ""s"""

"My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn."

"I figured something was fishy with my doctor when he was giving me a rectal exam, but he had both hands on my shoulders."