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Joke of the Day

"Me: *gets in pool* Come on in. 4-year-old: No, there might be sharks. Me: 4: Me: 4: Me: *gets out of pool*"

"ECHO! ECHO! ECHO! Hahaha. Just kidding Tina! But in all seriousness that's quite a serious infection you have here. - Me as a Gynaecologist"

"What do you call the people who make sandwiches at Subway? Sub humans."

"My favorite sexual position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled ""HOLD ON!"" yet."

"Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam. FBI is still looking for the leak."

"What do a cell phone and anal bleach have in common? They both change your ring tone"

"I'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer's"

"Your crush likes your status and you start to imagine life together!"

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"