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Joke of the Day

"Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey."

"I know a guy who has one eye bigger than the other His hame is Iain"

"I don't see dead people, but I do always see spiders that aren't really there."

"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming"

"What are the chemicals in a midget's body that make them happy? En-dwarf-ins"

"DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft"

"When I say ""It's a long story,"" it doesn't mean it's actually a long story. It means I just don't want to tell you."

"The perfect Irish bean stew (In an Irish accent) Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans? Because if you added one more it'd be two farty."

"What's black and fills out welfare forms?? A pen, you jerk."

"The U.S. presidency is like my ex. Anyone can get in."