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Joke of the Day

"The U.S. presidency is like my ex. Anyone can get in."

"Close your eyes. Now imagine a peaceful meadow. That meadow represents your betrayal. I told you to close your eyes, but you kept reading."

"You don't realize how much you miss your privacy until you have a toddler hugging you the entire time you pee."

"So a baby is named by his French, Chinese, and Redditor grandparents A. L'Mao"

"What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream? The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)"

"My grandpa used to say ""Don't do drugs just sell them"""

"Knock knock Who's there? Shi Huang Di Shi Huang Di Who? She wan DEEEEEZ NUTS! Yay for history jokes."

"My microwave beeps if I don't open the door within 30 seconds of it stopping. I'm fat, microwave. I won't forget there's food in there."

"How Britons shower. The same as you, dummy. First, we get nice and wet. Then we get the tea."

"Hotel Chain Merger Ramada Inn and Hilton are merging. The new hotel chain will be called ""Ram it in to the Hilt"""