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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me to refrain from heavy lifting. So now I can't masturbate."

"I just had Ebola cereal."

"What do necrophiliacs get when they wake up on the day of a funeral? Mourning Wood"

"A saber-tooth tiger arrives at a cave party Where it's friends had been partying with a bunch of cave-people. ""I see I'm too late,"" says the tiger. ""Yup,"" says another. ""Everyone's eaten"""

"What's the resemblance between a bungeejump and a african whorehouse? If the rubber blows, you're dead"

"I promise to find a new girlfriend right away when my old girlfriend gets eaten by walkers. America needs a first lady."

"If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed... Oh wait a minute he already does."

"You can tell a lot about a person by how early their neighbors call the cops on Thanksgiving."

"You should never kiss someone on Jan 1... It is only the first date."

"You texted ""SORRY"" followed by six ""!""s, and seven was the minimum I was looking for so... apology not accepted"