98711

Joke of the Day

"7 out of 10 people believe in Life after death. The other 3 don't even like cereal."

"Me: If that baby won't stop crying I'm walking out & going to another restaurant. Gf: You used to do that too. Me: that was months ago."

"What does a confused owl say? What? --- ^^^as ^^^enjoyed ^^^by ^^^/u/Traetus ^^^[here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2qws98/i_used_to_have_sex_daily/cnao23o?context=3)"

"What do you call a speeding vegetable? Michael Schumacher."

"The town emergency siren sounds. I peer out my bedroom window. ""It can't be"" I mutter. ""Honey, grab the kids. Hot local singles are coming."""

"I think it's cool that our galaxy is named after a chocolate bar."

"How many NYC cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black."

"So I was eating out my Grandma... and I tasted horse cum. And I thought to myself, ""Is that how she died?!"""

"*leans into microphone* My question is for Salt-N-Pepa. ""Hi"" ""Hey"" Hi.""Push It"" is about takin a dump, right? ""No"" ""Nope"" *hands friend $5*"

"Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50? Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California."