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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross Cleopatra with Marc Antony? Pharaoh-moans."

"I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing....It didn't take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women..."

"What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill."

"How do you build a boat? Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy."

"Why do procrastinators live the longest? Because they die at the last second."

"A dad puts his kids down for bedtime He says, ""You're fat and stupid!"""

"I like to kiss my girlfriends neck. I guess I'm a neck romancer."

"i still play that game where the floor is lava but now i just lie on the couch and watch tv until it cools into igneous rock"

"Got a blowjob from a blind girl last night... ..or at least I think it was a blowjob, it was dark and my bionic cock doesn't feel shit."

"For a week I've been telling my kid ""If your cough isn't better tomorrow, you're going to the doctor!"" and it finally worked. (She died.)"