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Joke of the Day

"What was the working title for 10 Cloverfield Lane? ""You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole."""

"I never thought I'd buy into Feng Shui. But oh how the tables have turned."

"Why do elephants jump across rivers? So they won't step on the fish."

"What do you call a burning white guy? A firecracker"

"Why did the little boy drop his icecream? Because he got hit by a car"

"HER [sits seductively on my lap] The more you tip...the more I'll take off ME [reaches for wallet] This is such a weird way to cut hair"

"What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks!"

"Why do white people own so many pets? Because we're not allowed to own people anymore."

"Prisoner:*strapped into chair* Flip the switch & fry me. Guard: Oh, we're not electrocuting you... *college kid w/ acoustic guitar walks in*"

"I bought my friend an elephant for his room He said: ""Thank you."" I said: ""Don't mention it."""