166117

Joke of the Day

"""I got you this for Valentine's Day."" [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] ""I think we should see other people."""

"What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate? ""Ecru, Brute?"""

"What body movements alert you that a politician is lying? His lips are moving."

"Why are stock traders so good at sex? Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you."

"I have an epileptic friend... He's a jerk..."

"An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all walk into a bar ""Ouch!"" ""Och aye!"" ""Bejabbers!"""

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the pre-school? He woke up."

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty but deer nuts are under a buck."

"What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays? Ramadamadan."