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Joke of the Day

"A new test was conducted to study how fat Americans are getting; the test results are as follows: 60% are deemed overweight 30% are deemed morbidly obese 10% ate the test"

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"Martha Stewart would choke on her craft supplies if she saw how I fold a fitted sheet."
"I got fucked by a priest 20 years ago.... ....He said ""you may now kiss the bride""."
"Facing charges for attacking a man on New Years Eve.. Well, excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten."
"[wakes up & turns to wife] ""I had a nightmare. You died."" ""Aw. It was just a-"" ""Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."""
"My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out."
"Turns out I wasn't in narnia, I was in my dishwasher high on bath salts"
"What happens when a man of jewish descent runs into a wall with an erection? He breaks his nose."
"What did the cow say to the other cow? HOLY SH*T A TALKING COW!"
"Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf."