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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf."

"My grandfather is such a grammar Nazi that he made every Jew in the camp practice writing every day."

"[trapped under avalanche of Tupperware that fell on me from kitchen cabinet] *updates social media with selfie* Bring food, No weirdos."

"What do you call someone with no body and just a nose? No body knows!"

"Never had a gay thought in my life but when Daniel Craig jumps onto the back of the train & adjusts his cuff I now kind of get it."

"What do you call an obese psychic? A four chin teller."

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head."

"Rolls down car window. Throws caution to the wind. Spends an hour cleaning caution off the side of the car."

"Whats the difference between love, ture love, and showing off? spit, sallow, and gargle."

"A tiger goes to the gym... ... wearing women's underwear underneath his workout clothes. When he does squats does that make him a crouching tiger with hidden drag on?"