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Joke of the Day

"[wakes up & turns to wife] ""I had a nightmare. You died."" ""Aw. It was just a-"" ""Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."""

"I wish people would stop making gay jokes Cum on guys!"

"Had to stop watching Game of Thrones with my parents tonight, because of all the sex. So I've recorded it to watch after they've finished."

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think we give a fuck."

"Recently discovered that my local coffee house sells my favorite soup... MISO HAPPY! :D"

"A serial killer walks into a bar... ... And becomes the bartender."

"What was the Sci-fi remake of A Streetcar Named Desire? InterSTELLLLLLLAAAAAAAR"

"What's the difference between a Priest and a Wristwatch? A priest's hands stop at 10."

"Hey, you funny fellows, what are some nonchalant jokes to tell people that do not sound like a joke at first? I need to impress my friends with Internet stuff, gosh."

"I once told a girl to text me when she gets home She must have been homeless"