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Joke of the Day

"What do a mosquito and my ex have in common? They both try to suck you dry, try to have babies with your DNA, and then you find them sucking off someone else."

"What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road? Rust-in-peace."

"Proof that road construction workers are lazy They're always just [milling](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pavement_milling) about!"

"It starts with.... Her sinking into your arms And it ends with her arms into your sink"

"Forgot my wallet at home & filled up at the gas station so I have to leave some collateral. Not leaving my phone there so 4 year old it is."

"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple a piece of bread to the ceiling."

"Two peanuts were walking down the street One was assaulted"

"Why Kobe's Still Married Kobe: What do you want for your birthday this year? Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring."

"What's half a joke look like?"

"Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain"