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Joke of the Day

"What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road? Rust-in-peace."

"Where do Pixar employees go for Happy Hour? CGI Friday's."

"[death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: ... Me: it sounded longer in my head."

"where does a Finnish child molester go when his ship sinks? Helsinki"

"What happened when the wheel was invented? It caused a revolution."

"Okay, vampires are invisible in mirrors, I totally get that. But, come on, their clothes?!? #science"

"How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool? ""Allahu Akhbarrrr"""

"Made out with a milf in the theatre last weekend... Although the movie was pretty well ruined with little Timmy talking through the whole thing."

"[at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster"

"A Bar joke A Socialist jew, a misandrist woman, a Canadian and a Toupee walk into a Bar. One walks out the President of America."