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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend is an atheist. Which is a problem, because I'm a god."

"Why is it a bad idea to change clothes at a Pokemon's house? Because he might Pikachu!"

"And on the third day, Jesus came back. Because he accidentally left one of his edge trimmers in my backyard."

"Girls at hooters may be hot. but when it comes down to it, the ladies at subway are the real wife material.."

"I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza last night. Must use Aloha setting."

"When I'd go to clubs, I spent half the time texting people who weren't there. Eventually I realized I could just send those texts from home."

"Have You Heard About the new KFC Hilary Clinton Special. its 2 small breasts, 2 large thighs and 2 left wings"

"So my girlfriend caught me... My girlfriend caught me blow-drying my penis. She asked, ""what the hell are you doing?!"" Apparently ""heating up your dinner"" wasn't the right answer."

"Did you hear about that really successful scarecrow? He is well known for being outstanding in his field."

"Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired"