165322

Joke of the Day

"Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?"

"My friend told me to stop speaking in numbers... but I didn't 1 2."

"4:*calls thing wrong name Me:*corrects him 4:*repeats wrong name Me:*corrects him 4:*maintains eye contact and repeats wrong name slowly"

"If I learned anything from Aladdin it was that if u just keep lying to a girl eventually u will get to marry her and live at her dad's house"

"Women's Magazines: Pg 1. You're beautiful and perfect just the way you are Pg 2. How to lose 20kg in 10 days."

"I blame our unhappy marriage on my wife mostly because of her poor choice in men."

"*playing Mortal Kombat* Her: Can I try? Me: Sure. Her: Which one of them shoots that Handookie thingie? Me: Hadouken? Her: Yea. Me: Leave."

"Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash."

"I can't believe I just stopped a girl from being rapped. I got tired and stopped chasing her."

"A Jewish boy asked his father... for fifty dollars for a pair of sneakers. His father replied ""Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"""