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Joke of the Day

"A Jewish boy asked his father... for fifty dollars for a pair of sneakers. His father replied ""Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"""

"A man walks into a bar... ...And he says ""ow, that hurt"""

"My wife just bought toilet paper from Costco which is great because later today we're having 3,000 people over to take a shit."

"Fun way to make someone question everything: comment ""you are so brave"" on all their selfies."

"What's the strongest letter in the alphabet? ***P*** Even Superman can't hold it."

"Can fish get high on seaweed?"

"Knock. Knock. Oh. Hang on a minute..... I haven't thought this through.."

"When I give people a tour of my bedroom, I like to say, ""And this is where the magic happens,"" followed by a sad, ""... magic isn't real."""

"My career as a professional rock climber is going great, but I'm also taking a course in mattress-making. Just so I've got something to fall back on."

"Some inmates claimed Blackbeard was best... but I don't believe in cons' piracy theories."