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Joke of the Day

"""The Emperor is naked!"" cried a child Silence was the answer. There were only him and Emperor in the bedroom."

"Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs? A: By their names."

"It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Wouldn't that make frowning an exercise? You lazy bastards."

"I just can't stay mad at Monday when it happens to be a day off from work."

"I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2006."

"First you can't smoke and now you get banned for grinding up on other patrons. It's like, why even bother getting drunk at the zoo anymore?"

"What do you call a microscope that when you look through it you see really bad things? A horoscope."

"Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane."

"I always wonder what the nurses reaction was like after I leave a half eaten sandwich in a coma patients hand."

"You know how birds fly in a v formation? Do you know why one side is longer than the other? It is because that side has more birds."