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Joke of the Day

"It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Wouldn't that make frowning an exercise? You lazy bastards."

"A hipster has just died Welcome to heaven, says god. The hipster turns back : no way, I'm going to hell before it's cool"

"ATTN FILMMAKERS: Is it possible the future won't be colored a bleak greenish gray with constant rain, or are you really sure of this?"

"How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard."

"What cars do wolves drive? Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis!"

"Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball? Because he couldn't find a date!"

"Which real-life dictator was the most fun? Napoleon BonaPARTAY!!!"

"Was just told to take my labor day decorations down. I guess a giant inflatable woman giving birth in your front yard is tacky or something."

"Simba - ""welcome to... The bone zone"" Nala - ""the what?"" Simba - ""elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard"""

"Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickle? Because it had more cents"