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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to a birthday party in Charlotte tomorrow... Hopefully the looting isn't over because I forgot to buy a present."

"They played The Shins while I was in Whole Foods today and I leveled up in Caucasian."

"What does a man with no honey do? He cantaloupe."

"Between hating pork and launching themselves into enemy structures, Al Qaeda were the original Angry Birds."

"We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks: ""Do you know why I can't be buried there?"" ""Why not?"" ""Because I'm not dead yet, Son."""

"Family cookouts are spent telling me to ""stop...don't say that"""

"The worst part of getting a chain wallet for your birthday is that now you have 3 days to send 10 chain wallets to your friends."

"So I was going down on this chic... So I was going down on this chic the other night, when I tasted horse semen, so I stopped and said, ""Really Gran? That's how you died?"""

"Why are 9/11 victims the best readers? They can go through 94 stories in seconds!"

"My friend's getting rich by selling photos of koi in clothes. He says it's as easy as shooting fish in apparel."