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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock! Who's there? Hamlet. Hamlet, who? I can't decide."

"everyday im faced w/ a choice b/w good & evil. i try to be good but why woud i ever choose MIRACLE whip when i can hav a HELL MANS MAYONAISE"

"""No comment"" said no woman, ever"

"In a spaceship... - Hey Yoda. Are we in the right way? - Of course we are. - Ok then... KEEP GOING GUYS, THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY."

"I made a belt out of a bunch of watches, But my friends told me it was a waist of time"

"I'm not saying he is out of shape, but... ... he calls the gym 'James' because he doesn't feel familiar enough for nicknames."

"Why is Santa such a jolly old elf? He knows where the naughty girls live."

"""May I take your order?"" the waiter asked. ""Yes how do you prepare your chickens?"" ""Nothing special sir"" he replied. ""We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."""

"*Gets down on one knee* ""Can you drive us to dinner I have three DUI's"""

"Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing? He had deadlines to meet"