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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying he is out of shape, but... ... he calls the gym 'James' because he doesn't feel familiar enough for nicknames."

"DATING TIP: Size does matter! Tell her how big your TV is."

"In the English language, ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing. Unless you are at a funeral."

"As soon as they heard the flush, my phone interview took a drastic turn."

"*wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* ""You didn't notice my new-"" ""NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES."" ""Dress."""

"What is a soup-lover's favorite sport? Bowling"

"It still really upsets me that my dog stopped talking to me around the same time I gave up taking hallucinogenic drugs."

"What do you get when you cross dancing and an act of god? Deus Ex Macarena"

"*brings a super-magnet to a knife fight* *discovers that stainless steel is not magnetic*"

"Trump's gonna be sooo mad when he finds out that China realized building a Great Wall didn't keep foreigners out 400 years before he did."