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Joke of the Day

"*Gets down on one knee* ""Can you drive us to dinner I have three DUI's"""

"I tried to play counter strike the other day It felt like a France simulator, I kept getting shot by terrorists"

"My wife said to me: ""If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"" I said: ""Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."""

"Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more..."

"I was gonna make a gay joke but thats intolerant."

"It is tough being a horny pagan with no regular religious holidays... ... because all you can look forward to is getting the Wiccans off."

"What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood? You can't drink sand."

"What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi"

"What do you call it when a fish fucks his sister? Fincest. (This joke is shitty, I know, but I couldn't resist posting it.)"

"After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios, amigo."