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Joke of the Day

"Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years."

"What did the spice say during climax? I'm cumin! I'm cumin!"

"I have a Stepladder.. I never knew my real Ladder"

"Pretty sure most of the people in coffee shops on lap tops are just writing letters to their parents asking if they can move back home."

"Do you know what really bugs me? Discreetly placed microphones."

"IDEA: Ban fabric softener & harness the resulting static electricity to end dependence on foreign oil. You're welcome, Obama"

"Why do men run faster than women rolling friction is lesser than sliding friction"

"WIFE: You forgot my birthday again didn't you? ME: [putting wrapping paper round the cat] Goddammit, I told you not to turn round yet Janet"

"there's a portal to another dimension underneath Zooey Deschanel's bangs and I am determined to use it to meet Benjamin Franklin"

"It's not called PowerRamble. It's called PowerPoint, so please get to one."