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Joke of the Day

"I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I'm unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day."

"YOU KNOW THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PAUL WALKER AND MY COMPUTER? I ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK WHEN MY COMPUTER CRASHES."

"What's 6 inches long and starts with a p? ........... a shit (think about it)"

"ASIAN KIDS: Do they make you ride through the X-ray machine at the airport since your minds are basically computers?"

"Me: what make of dog is that? Her: breed Me [hands on knees]: I am, I'm just out of breath cos I ran over to ask what make of dog that is"

"America is in the labor room right now... Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl."

"Have you ever smelled moth balls? How do you get his little legs open?"

"When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T's on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear."

"After that release you can call me POTATO_OUT_OF_MY_ANUS"

"Childhood obesity is on the rise and so is underage sex.. What I want to know is who's fucking all these fat kids."