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Joke of the Day

"Pretty sure most of the people in coffee shops on lap tops are just writing letters to their parents asking if they can move back home."

"I love comfort food. I'm going to eat a quilt."

"A jew girl's doctor tricked her into having sex with him. Hesadic was good for her."

"So, a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch... The bartender asks, ""What the hell is that?"" The pirate responds, ""Arrrrr, it drives me nuts."""

"What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? One pulls rabbits out of hats and the other pulls habits out of rats."

"Q: What's the capital of Afghanistan? A: KABOOM!!"

"The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to keep the mystery alive. So tonight I decided to clean something unexpectedly."

"Whenever our neighbor's dog is barking, I know there's either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened."

"Some girl just asked me if she was wearing too much makeup. I told her it depends on whether she's going to kill batman or not."

"I'm absolutely sick and tired of my wife not cleaning out the coffee machine after she's finished with it. Grounds for divorce."