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Joke of the Day

"Interestingly enough, you can get STDs from a toilet seat... But only if you sit down before the other guy gets off. Source: QI"

"Easiest and quickest way to get me to shut up, open my mouth and get on my knees is to simply make it rain Skittles."

"Roses are red. Wine is red. Poems are hard. Wine."

"Girl: Why should I shave my downstairs? Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food."

"Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!"

"One time I fell off a 20ft ladder, then climbed right back up and jumped off a second time to show that ladder who's in charge."

"You've heard about the Ferguson situation, right? The issues raised aren't exactly black or white."

"A father walks up to his son... and says to him, ""Do we have any more dopted?"" The son says, ""What's a dopted?"" ""You are!"" ""Dad, that's not funny."" ""I'm not your dad!"" (Credit to my bartender Casey)"

"Two drunk Man Two drunks are in a bar. First one: ""My wife is an angel"" Second one: ""You are lucky! Mine is still alive."""

"I don't always use complete sentences But when I do"