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Joke of the Day
"You'd think a dude named Captain Crunch would have amazing abs."
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"""Let's sleep in when we can't sleep in, and not sleep in when we can sleep in"" - children"
"The guy who named the peacock was just trying to make himself feel better."
"What did Santa say when big old fat uncle Alfred came round to chat? Nice to *sleigh* you!"
"What's Jared Fogle's favorite weather? El nino."
"When a chemist says you're gold...... ......it just means you're easily replaceable"
"30 seconds left on the microwave. Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone. Men: do the space shuttle countdown."
"What did the angry inflatable teacher say to the irresponsible inflatable child in the inflatable school? Not only have you let me down, you've let yourself down, and you've let the whole school down!"
"99 times out of ten, I'm making shit up."
"When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors"