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Joke of the Day

"Easiest and quickest way to get me to shut up, open my mouth and get on my knees is to simply make it rain Skittles."

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if you were named Aaaurrrraaaaggghh!"

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"You have to admit, healthcare reform sure beats the most lasting domestic reform of the last guy: warrantless wiretaps."

"How can you tell a dog is a cool dog? It swags its tail."

"What's the difference between a bug and an insect? Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot."

"Why can't an eel and an eagle team up? Because it would be eel-eagle!"

"I really need to stop killing people I have a lot of skeletons in my closet."

"People who don't smoke pot suck. They should all be stoned."

"When I die I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not like his terrified passengers."