162872

Joke of the Day

"My one weakness? Probably my unshakable belief that, despite a total lack of training, I'll be able to do karate if I'm ever in a fight."

"What is it with people who text and drive? I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them."

"If you can't tell the difference between a ladel and a spoon Then you're fat."

"[in ambulance] ""Sir, do you know your blood type?"" ""Yeah [coughs & points to wound] red."""

"My neighbor crashed her car while listening to Adele. She went rolling in the Jeep"

"Tried to sign up to a website the other day... I put my password as ""beef stew"" It said password not stroganoff."

"How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw!"

"I almost hit a deer tonight. But then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out. Back to having zero haters, feels good."

"What do you call a camel with no humps? Humpfree! :P"

"In Amsterdam you could watch live sex shows by paying 50 Euros. That's nothing - In India, I watched a live rape just by buying a bus ticket."