162576

Joke of the Day

"1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater"

"So I met this gorgeous girl... ...and I was sucking her cock last night when I thought to myself ""Hey, wait a minute!"""

"The doctor told me I should stop masturbating today. So I look him straight in the eye and asked him ""why?"". And then he said something about not being able to work in these conditions."

"Why did the Fall break off from all the other seasons? Because it wanted autumnomy"

"I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was. He said, ""1920x1080""."

"My girlfriend just broke up with me... ...it's all cool though, she said we could still remain cousins."

"I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking ""What a cliche way for a fat person to die of"""

"When Bruce decides to do stand-up, what will his stage-name be? Penny Bruce"

"What happens when two oxen bump into each other? You have an oxident."

"I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't gone to a gig yet."