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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: Now sir how did you come to have this accident? Motorist: Well the sign just there says `Stop ? Look ? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me."

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"Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours"
"What's the worst thing you could possibly hear after giving Willie Nelson a blow job? I'm not Willie Nelson."
"What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other? Same time next month?"
"What do you call a frog that's parked illegally? Toad."
"What's the difference between a racist joke and a sexist joke? Racist jokes are offensive."
"A couple of my friends tried to steal a statue last night... But it turned out to be a bust."
"""If Bernie doesn't get the nom, I'm voting Trump."" ""Also, if McDonald's is out of chicken nuggets, I'm going to eat 20 scorpions."""
"""Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?!?"" ""Same thing that bag is doing in your tea."""
"Wife called up her mom and said, ""He fought with me again,I'm coming to live with you."" Mom replied, no no my daughter, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you."