199417
Joke of the Day
"A couple of my friends tried to steal a statue last night... But it turned out to be a bust."
Next Joke
"Why didn't the patient sue the dentist for pulling the wrong tooth? Because it was accidental."
"My eyes are brown with tiny flecks of narcissism."
"People in wheelchairs just don't get humor. They never know when you're pulling their leg."
"Deadpool was Green Lantern Batman was Daredevil Captain America was Human Torch And we're just gonna walk around like EVERYTHING is OK???"
"Yelling ""PARKOUR"" whenever your toddler falls over is an easy way to make him look like a cool free runner rather than a clumsy little idiot"
"Don't judge me for my race, don't judge me for my gender. Judge me because I've read all four of the Twilight books."
"why aren't there Olympics in Mexico? Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the border"
"TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead"
"The lord said to Abraham, ""Come forth and I'll give you eternal life."" Abraham came fifth. He won a toaster."