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Joke of the Day

"The water drought in California is so bad, that someone broke into my cousins house and stole his waterbed."

"I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands. :/"

"Finding girls is like playing blackjack. I always try to go for 21 but end up hitting on 14."

"What do they use to heal cuts in the Matrix Neo Sporin"

"What's a panda's favorite drink? Fanta."

"What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable? The wheelchair"

"WIFE: What're you doing in the garage? ME: I made a cloning machine. WIFE: Don't do anything stupid. OTHER ME: Like what?"

"Is it gay when the Doublemint Twins make out? Naw, they're just exspearminting."

"If I'm ever dangling off a cliff and your hands are full of mikes hard lemonades you better give me one so i can be refreshed on my way down"

"What's white and crawls up your leg? Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice"