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Joke of the Day

"How do you keep a baby from crawling in circles? nail the other hand to the floor."

"Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch ? So he could bring his 'sub' on"

"My phone knows the word ""giveth"" but not the word ""fuck."" Perfectly useful for speaking to knights but not for describing what they did."

"I'll be serving Eggs Benedict on hubcaps for Christmas breakfast. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

"""We don't serve time travellers here"" said the bartender... ""We don't serve time travellers here"" said the bartender. A time traveller walks into a bar."

"Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!"

"Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? A: 'cuz they ain't got balls to scratch!"

"What did one shark say to the other? These Malaysia Airline meals aren't bad."

"You know your life sucks... when your job sucks, your car sucks, your house sucks, but your wife doesn't. - Sorry if it's a repost."

"What's the difference between a woman and bacon....? You can't beat bacon....!"