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Joke of the Day

"You know your life sucks... when your job sucks, your car sucks, your house sucks, but your wife doesn't. - Sorry if it's a repost."

"I bought a backpack that was field tested... ...They didn't say anything about how well it performed on the test, but I was glad that they showed some initiative."

"Where can you find a paraplegic man? Right where you left him."

"Me: I'm too full to eat anymore. Food: Are you sure. Me: No."

"What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers? The Samsung Note 7"

"What do you call children born of ginger people? Ginger-bred"

"What is the hardest thing about eating a vegetable? Getting her back into the wheelchair."

"Why did the dead baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken."

"If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive."

"Dr. Dre Beats."