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Joke of the Day

"My phone knows the word ""giveth"" but not the word ""fuck."" Perfectly useful for speaking to knights but not for describing what they did."

"I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed."

"We should all give Earth a one star rating on TripAdvisor so hostile aliens won't want to come here."

"Learning karate in case I'm ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks."

"Did you see the fantastic four? Human torch played by uncle ruckus."

"Have you guys heard of the Ed Zachary disease? if you get the disease you'll look Ed Zachary like him!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bull ! Bull who ? Bull the chain when your done !"

"Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I use soap and water personally."

"Women love a man in uniform, but especially a uniform made from chocolate bars and $100 bills."

"What do kazoos and my father have in common? They were both around for a short time in the '90s only to be unheard of from then on."