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Joke of the Day

"Me: SPIDER! Brain: Nope, fluff. Me: SPIDER! Brain: That is a fly. Me: SPIDER!!! Brain: sigh. That's your hand idiot."

"Here's a joke for all you Game of Thrones fans. One day Bran walks into a bar."

"How many dead prostitutes we need to change a lightbulb ? Certainly not three, because in my basement is still dark."

"Why was the ginger declined when he tried to sell his soul to the devil? Insufficient funds."

"You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won't unstop. Don't look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God."

"Did you hear about the Guitar Player who got arrested last week? He was caught fingering A minor."

"My grandpa died in the holocaust... He fell off the guard tower."

"Why was the UKIP voter angry? Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)"

"We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don't even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore"

"*sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*"