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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between strange jizz and you? Your mother doesn't love you."

"Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog."

"I lied and told someone, ""I can't go to your party I have diarrhea."" I actually do have diarrhea but historically that hasn't stopped me"

"I'm at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to shit faster because it's cold."

"Are you made from Na, selenium and xenon? Because you are sodium SeXe. Edit: I have yet to zinc of another chemistry joke."

"Want to know if you're in the wrong relationship? If you were reading this hoping I really had the answer, it's over. You're welcome."

"God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money."

"""Jesus take the wheel"" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic."

"How does a penman make his living? He charges a calligra-fee of course!"

"My mother-in-law said ""just do what you normally do"" when she came to stay with us. Not going to lie, naked Saturday was a little awkward."