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Joke of the Day

"Which vampire tried to eat James Bond? Ghouldfinger."

"Why do Jews love sandwiches? Because they're not made in ovens."

"Bob has 50 cookies. He eats 45. What does he have now? Diabetes. Bob has diabetes."

"What do you call a punch that can kill 20 kids and 6 adults? A Sandy Hook."

"So I entered an astronomy contest the other day... ...I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize. :-)"

"What is the smallest part of a little person? Their wee-knees!"

"Nobody discretely coughs blood into a handkerchief while wearing a top hat anymore."

"What did the hooker say in the shower after a long day at work? That was a huge load off my back"

"I don't always feel like I won the genetic lottery, but when I do... I'm at Wal-mart."

"The biggest difference between mistletoe and camel toe is the length of the kiss."